3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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