i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
