wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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