I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
