Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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