she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
