Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
