So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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