i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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