It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
God, I missed his penis.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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