I'm going to jail i love you
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
