I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
