Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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