you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
