dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
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I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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