I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
