no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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