I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
