she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
