ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
