i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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