I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
