He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
