the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
