AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
