I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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