Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
