i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize