i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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