From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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