i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
