Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
