Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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