We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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