hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
