glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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