This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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