ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
