why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize