yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
