If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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