But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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