I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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