Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
