She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
