they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
