remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
