JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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