I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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