That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
