Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
