Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
