You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
