You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
