I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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