dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
