Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
