If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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