And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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