It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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