a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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