next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
