roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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