she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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