normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
