Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
