Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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