We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
