I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
