I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
