He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have feelings that need drinking.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
