You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
