Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
