Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
