idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
