i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
