1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
