...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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